York RI Templars provides a safe space to talk
This article contains content that may be distressing to some people.
What York RI Templars have done for my mental health is more important than winning a game, says Elliott.
York RI Templars are marking Rainbow Laces this year by talking to York University undergraduates on an Instagram Live. They will explain the benefits of rugby for the LGBT+ community and two of the Templars players, Rumen and Elliott, will share their stories of being involved.
Elliott’s story is one of trauma and homophobic abuse but it is also one of bravery, hope and support from Templars teammates.
“When I came down to my first training session with the Templars just over a year ago, I was terrified,” he says.” I almost drove away but I gathered myself, got out the car and joined in. I am so glad I did.”
A few but not many of his team know that while playing with the Templars Elliott has been “battling issues with body dysmorphia as well as working with a therapist to overcome issues I have as a survivor of a serious sexual assault. It has been difficult for me to speak openly about both, but with time, a team and talking to more of my friends and family, I have begun to feel strong enough to tell people. Each time I have spoken to someone new I have felt a little bit better.
Templars transform experience of sport
“Now, I want to share my experiences in the hope that anyone else struggling can find it easier to talk and to tell everyone how finding an inclusive sport environment has helped me and transformed my experience of sport.
“The Templars team has provided me with a distraction, a new passion to throw myself into so I don’t have to think about the things that I have been through for a couple of hours on a Monday evening. I didn’t expect the team to become so important to me and such a big part of my life. I played touch rugby at school so I knew that you had to pass the ball backwards but that was about it. Everyone was welcoming and patient, they included me and helped me to understand the rules and I think become a decent(ish) player. Yes, I am naturally competitive, but what York RI Templars have done for my mental health is more important than winning a game.
“I played competitive football for over a decade until I got injured. My team won leagues, cups. We were pretty good! People assumed I would be distraught when I could no longer play. I wasn’t, I was relieved. I had hated every second of it. Being a ‘clockable’ gay teenager, I was never made to feel welcome, I was bullied for my sexuality, the way I spoke, looked, and walked all while a player on a successful team, one that I had played for since I was nine years old. I kept going to training and playing matches in the hope of being accepted one day.
“I could never understand why they didn’t hurl homophobic comments at me at school, why was it just while playing football. Now I realise that I was never abused for being gay at school because I was surrounded by my friends. I had their support and I felt confident. I felt like I could fight back or shut someone down if I needed to. Why couldn’t my team be the same?
Comfortable to be my authentic self
“LGBTQ+ people know you don’t just come out once. I came out when I was 19, to no-one’s surprise, and have had to come out each time I started a new job, started at university, joined a running club and many more times since then. York RI Templars is the first time I have not felt dread and anxiety about how my sexuality would be received. It is a team where I have always felt comfortable to be my authentic self, to not have to hide any part of my personality. I can be as boisterous and flamboyant as I want.
“Being sexually assaulted was shattering. I didn’t talk to anyone about it at the time, I didn’t report it as I felt that I wouldn’t be taken seriously. I felt as though I deserved it as the person who raped me was someone I had been on a date with. Had I encouraged it? Over time I felt as though I had begun to come to terms with it, but all I had done was push it to the back of my mind and pretend it never happened. I saw the person who raped me in a bar years later and I broke down. I had to do something about it and properly address my issues. I began therapy not long before I joined the Templars. It was hard to talk about and brought a lot of the feelings I had when it first happened back to the surface.
“Joining training and becoming an active member of the team allowed me to not have to think about it for a few hours each week. This momentary relief has been important to my recovery and allowed me to learn to be kinder to myself and not blame myself for what somebody else did to me. There are members of the team who have made me feel as though I am able to talk about being sexually assaulted without being judged. They listened and allowed me to feel safe.
Playing with the York RI Templars is the first time I have been part of a team in which I have felt free to be exactly who I am. The Templars is a safe and inclusive space for LGBTQ+ people and I don’t know how I would be coping now without the team. All I can say is thank you."
Says Templars team manager David Carr: “Elliott’s story is extremely distressing but is also a great illustration of the power of rugby’s values and the Templars’ support of teammates. Rugby teams like ours support friendship and mental wellbeing as much as giving people the chance to play and enjoy rugby and all that it has to offer. So many people find a safe space in a rugby team like ours.”
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/support-for-men-and-boys/
